Comfort

Tuesday, June 21, 2022. I’ve been dealing with a chronic illness since last summer, and I broke down this morning.  I haven’t been sleeping well.  Not awful, but not great.  So I was tired right from the start though I’ve had much worse mornings.  So I did my morning devotionals, had a cup of tea, and was drinking my cup of coffee when I started feeling the fatigue really pressing down.  Usually, by the time I’m on my cup of coffee, I’m starting to wear out, and today was no different.  I sit in a wing chair in the morning and look out onto our courtyard.  Most mornings, I just rest my head on the chair and read, but lately, I’ve been praying.  Today, it went something like this - “This is not what I expected of my life, Lord. I read my Bible but there are so many interpretations so I don’t know if You let this happen, if You make it happen, if it’s the devil’s work, or if it’s just chance, but I do know You work all things for the good. (Here the tears started to fall.) I tried to take care of this body You gave me.  I ate right, exercised, and planned to do so into my old age.  I saw myself aging as a vibrant, healthy woman.  It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.  Help me, Father, help me, help me, please.  I know You’re with me always, and I know You’ll get me through this.  Help me.” Tears were running down my face, and I was starting to sob.  Then I felt Him hold me.  And the tears slowed and then stopped.  It’s not imagination when this happens though it’s easy to write it off as such.  God hears us.  God heard me.  And He comforted me.  Today, I found Him as He held me and dried my tears.